


Blue Bear

by afishoutofwater (orphan_account)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: College AU, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-16
Updated: 2017-02-21
Packaged: 2018-09-24 22:42:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9790346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/afishoutofwater
Summary: Eren Jeager's world is turned upside down by Armin Arlert's presence in more ways than one.Written for hillvalleycat's eremin season.Day 3 - Soulmates





	1. Chapter 1

_This can’t be right_ , Eren pleads, shaking the tiny alarm clock vigorously. Yesterday it had said forever, fifty years counting down perfectly but now it reads a deafening three months. Eren can’t hear anything, his world turning silent as his heart sinks to his stomach. This… this can’t be. His soulmate? The person he was supposed to spend forever with only had three months left to live? 

How did this happen? How  _could_ this have happened? 

The initials scratched beneath the clock face,  _A.A_ , winked at him evilly as he shakes the clock again – surely this is a mistake? 

With a defeated sigh, he places the clock back onto his bedside table and picks up his backpack, ready to venture to class – something he was just about to do before he noticed the change on his clock. He locks up after himself, throwing his keys into the air without much energy to catch them and watches as they rattle when they hit the stone floor of his apartment complex.  

The sound of the opposite apartment opening tears Eren’s attention away and he watches as Armin Arlert steps out, a harrowed look on his face. His eyes are rimmed a scarlet red and are puffed into an ironic eye-smile. He notices that Eren’s watching him and forces a smile before locking his own apartment up and leaving. 

Eren picks up his keys from the floor and chases after the blond. “Armin, you okay, bud?” 

Armin looks up at him briefly, mouth agape and Eren doesn’t blame him. They rarely speak outside of a pleasant greeting every morning before splitting off for classes. Eren with his undetermined major and Armin with biochemistry. “Oh, morning, Eren.” 

He evades the question completely and Eren jumps a few steps at a time before facing Armin head-on. “You’ve been crying.” 

Armin avoids Eren’s intense gaze and pouts. “It’s none of your business, Eren.” He then brushes past the brunet and storms out of the complex, turning left. Eren watches with a frown before following suit, except he turns right when he makes it out of the door. 

History is his favourite class of all the basics he has to take, but he just can’t concentrate today. There was something wrong with Armin; no one leaves their apartment looking like they spent the entire night crying without something being a serious issue.  

Wait… Why did he even care? He too has issues to deal with, like the fact that his soulmate only has three months left to live and all he has to go on is alliterative initials.  

“Eren.” Jean waves a hand in front of his face. Eren blinks and looks up, when had he gotten into The Point? He looks down and finds a sandwich sitting in front of him – had he ordered that? “You keep daydreaming, dude. Wake up.” 

Eren smiles airily and shakes his head. “Sorry, Jean… Um.” 

“ _Um_?” Mikasa prompts from his left. 

“Um… nothing, Mikasa, nothing.” 

“Eren, you’ve been acting weird all day. Has something happened?” 

Eren bites his lip, he could tell his friends about the clock, about Armin, but he decides not to. Ultimately, this is his own problem, and he needs to solve all on his own. But, who on Earth is A.A? The question plagues him until the end of the day, and he’s sure he hasn’t actually taken any notes through any of the classes he just sat through.

Armin’s sat on the bench outside the complex when Eren comes back at five. He’s holding his phone in his hands, fingers tapping against the silicone case, his right thumb hovering over the touch screen hesitantly.  

Eren takes a seat beside Armin and waits for the blond to notice. They stay in still silence for half an hour before Armin sighs heavily and stands up. His face is sullen and sad but changes drastically when he spots Eren. 

“What are you doing?” Armin asks - he’s not angry, Eren can tell that much. 

“You looked lonely, I thought I’d give you company?” 

There’s a fleeting smile on Armin’s face and Eren can feel his heart constrict.  _Oh, this is bad_. 

“Thanks…” 

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

The question hangs between them and Armin seems almost tempted but instead shakes his head. His burden is not a burden to share.  

“Alright, well, you know where I am,” Eren jokes and Armin smiles genuinely this time, showing off perfect white teeth. It’s almost like he’s a different person to the ghost of Armin he was this morning. 

They walk into the complex together and bid each other farewell when they enter their own apartments. Eren rests up against the front door and exhales loudly. Had Armin always been so… _striking_? 

* * *

Eren jumps out of bed the next morning, ignoring the ticking clock watching him carefully as he races to dress himself – smartly this time, he wants to make an impression on Armin though he’s not entirely too sure why. He takes time with his appearance before leaving the apartment around the same time as Armin. Their doors open simultaneously and Armin’s almost glowing today when he spots Eren.  

“Hi, Armin,” Eren greets the blond with a chipper smile. “Want half of my bagel?” He holds out the half to him, and the blond eyes it sceptically. 

“Did you buy this?” 

“ _No_!” Eren cries indignantly but caves when Armin quirks an eyebrow with an almost flirtatious smirk. “Yes.” 

Armin takes the offered half and bites into it. “Why are you being so nice to me?” he finally asks. 

“No reason,” Eren simply replies. “I just wanted to get to know you more…” 

“There’s no point,” Armin says almost inaudibly and Eren stops for a second and stares at him. “Oh, just, ignore me.” The blond half-heartedly laughs but Eren doesn’t join in. 

“Armin…” 

“Ah, sorry… I forget sometimes people aren’t accustomed to my sense of humour,” Armin lies and Eren wonders if he knows just  _how_  bad of a liar he actually is. 

“Are you busy this weekend?” Eren then prompts and it’s Armin’s turn to stop in surprise.  

“No… not really.” 

“Wanna go to the arcade with me? I heard they’ve added a Star Wars flight simulator and I wanna check it out.” 

“Oh! That… you like Star Wars?” 

“Duh,” Eren responds, grinning widely and Armin reciprocates, and Eren is completely sure he’s actually glowing now. How can one person be so beautiful? 

“Then yeah, I’ll go. Thanks.” 

“N-no worries.” 

They say goodbye at the door and Eren’s nearly turning the corner when Armin’s voice calls out to him. “You look great today, by the way!” 

It puts a spring in his step. 

* * *

The weekend rolls over quickly and Eren’s waiting outside Armin’s door, dressed for the sunny weather. He’s wearing a checked shirt (that he had ironed the night before) and a plain white t-shirt over khaki cargo shorts. His messy brunet hair is hidden beneath a baseball cap, the university mascot stitched onto the front.  

The door opens and Eren’s heart halts in its wake. Armin steps out dressed perfectly, he’s wearing a thin sweater that hangs off of one shoulder and skinny jeans with a tear in the right knee.  

“You look great,” Eren gushes with an eager smile and Armin turns a rosy shade of red, looking down at his feet. 

“Thanks.” 

“C’mon, let’s go. I wanna be the first one there!” He takes hold of Armin’s hand and they run to the campus bus stop together. Armin’s wheezing when they reach the stop and Eren begins to panic but Armin’s laughing too and it sounds so right to hear. Eren wants to hear Armin laugh again. 

The bus stops just outside the arcade and the pair jump off, thanking the driver in tow. Armin clings to Eren a little, he can feel the blond’s fingers grasping onto his cotton shirt. They walk in together, mirroring their footsteps and Eren breaks out into a run when he sees the machine he’d been dreaming about – it’s designed as an X-Wing Fighter with the player controlling as Luke Skywalker. He shoves in a few coins and jumps into the pilot seat. Armin stands outside before spotting a claw machine with a blue teddy bear waving to him. 

Eren takes the machine on a few spins, nearly using up all of his money in the process, and claims the highest score on the scoreboard. From this moment on, anyone who played the game would have to bow down to ERN and his untouchable feat. Feeling somewhat of a legend, Eren steps out with a triumphant smile and makes his way to where Armin is battling against his luck. 

“What are you doing?” Eren asks, watching as the claw grasped hold of a pale blue teddy before releasing it slyly. “Are you trying to get that bear?” 

Armin nods, his tongue poking out in concentration as he manoeuvres the claw over the bear once more and slamming his palm against the blinking button. He watches, hopping from one foot to another, as the prongs close around the stuffed toy and begins to rise up, releasing the bear again. Armin sighs heavily, admitting defeat. 

“Hey, why don’t you play the Star Wars simulator for a bit? It might be a bit more fun,” Eren suggests and Armin looks at him. He’s weary, tired, there are purple bags under his brilliant blue eyes. “You get to sit down too.” 

Armin doesn’t reply and makes his way, staggering in his step, towards the simulator before disappearing inside. Eren turns to the claw machine and rolls in his remaining few coins. He expertly moves the claw and watches as it hugs the teddy bear once more. Then the claw pulls the bear over to the drop-off point and the machine makes a happy jingle. He pulls the blue bear from the machine and stares at it for a second before smiling to himself. 

He positions himself to stand outside the simulator, waiting for Armin.  

A few minutes later, Armin emerges, pale but slightly less weary than before. However, his fatigue fades when he sees the blue teddy bear in Eren’s hands. 

“Y- _you_!” 

“Here.” Eren shoves the bear into Armin’s hands and the blond stares down it with wide, watery eyes. “Oh, please don’t cry…” 

Armin rubs his eyes. “I’m not crying.” 

Somehow, Armin’s inability to lie is a thing that Eren becomes incredibly fond of. 

They stick around the arcade for a few more hours, eating cheap hotdogs from the adjacent café and drinking ice-cold soda. The sun begins to set when they walk along the promenade, watching the sea come into shore. The tide will be in soon, Armin tells Eren aloud but all Eren can do is watch Armin gaze into the clear blue ocean. 

“Thank you for this,” Armin says when they walk back to their complex, hands entwined and Blue Bear clutched to Armin’s side.  

“Hey, no problem. Thanks for coming.” 

They linger outside their apartments for a little while, talking aimlessly about everything and anything. Eren learns that Armin’s parents died in a car accident when he was small and lives with his granddad now. He learns that Armin’s always had a love for science and nature, and that the ocean is his favourite thing in the whole world. He learns that Armin doesn’t have any friends, and it makes Eren’s heart sink. 

“I’m your friend,” he says to Armin and the blond bites his lips to hold back a jovial smile. They say goodbye one more time and disappear into their apartments. Except, an hour later Armin’s knocking on Eren’s door in his pyjamas and a bag of popcorn and the entire Star Wars collection and they spend the whole Saturday night marathoning the series. Starting from episode four, of course, and ending with episode seven. 

Armin falls asleep against Eren’s shoulder by episode two, and Eren doesn’t really blame him. He’s breathing shallowly and his skin isn’t as warm as it should be. Eren threads his fingers with Armin’s, feeling the unsteady pulse against is skin. His own heart races when Armin sighs contently, snuggling up a little closer. Armin smells like honey and sunflowers. He smells just like a warm summer morning, the sun a little hazy and low in the sky and the wind cooling but barely noticeable. He smells like Eren’s favourite things, all rolled into one. 

Armin wakes up about five am, Eren having fallen asleep too, his head resting against Armin’s. The blond smiles happily and gives in when his eyelids flutter closed once more. 

* * *

Since then there is rarely a moment where Eren and Armin aren’t with one another. Jean remarks this, feeling a little put out and Mikasa won’t speak to him out of pure jealousy. Eren simply invites her and the others round to his for take away and then invites Armin so they can all meet. 

Mikasa instantly melts when Armin pokes his head through the kitchen door, attracted to the sound of laughter erupting when Eren spilled fried rice all over his freshly-vacuumed floor. Jean is polite and friendly and makes jibes as to why Armin would be friends with Eren,  _I mean, you’re smart and nice and Eren’s just… not_. 

_Rude_. 

Connie and Sasha ask him all kinds of questions and are in awe when he reveals his love of science. He then mentions the arcade date and Eren has nowhere to hide when Jean turns on him. 

“You told me you couldn’t go because you had homework!”

“Jean, be smart. Eren never does his homework,” Connie teases and the rest of the group erupts into another round of raucous laughter.

Armin can’t stop the pleased feeling running through him when he learns that Eren basically blew off his friends to spend the day with him. Jean yells at Eren for a few minutes more whilst the others continue to laugh, yet Armin manages to catch Eren’s eyes and the two share a secret smile that leaves Armin feeling breathless and light.  

Eren’s heart skips a beat when Armin smiles, and his whole body begins to warm. He wants to touch Armin, to brush his hair from his face but he fights it. He fights it only because he doesn’t want Mikasa to go funny on him again. 

* * *

The two had been friends for about a month before it dawns on Eren that he’s beginning to fall in love with Armin. He’s accompanied the blond on a date to the library multiple times – well, it wasn’t a  _date_  date, but he wanted to spend time with Armin and he had to do some research for his lab-work so he decided to tag along because _why not_?  

They have dinner at each other’s apartment every other day. Friday’s reserved for Chinese and Netflix marathon – they were currently halfway through Bojack Horseman and whilst Armin wasn’t too sure how to feel about the series, Eren loved it and because of this Armin would sit and watch the series without even a complaint, only because Eren would put on a few episodes of Arrested Development to cheer him up later on. 

Falling asleep together on the sofa had become a regular thing for the two, and dates to the beach became a biweekly outing. No point in wasting the summer sunshine. 

It’s a month in and Eren’s head over heels, badly.

He wakes up on a sunny Saturday with a light feeling in his chest and the anxious ticking of his soulmate clock draws his attention. Eren smirks to himself before reaching over to place it face down against the table before the inscription catches his eye. 

_A.A_. 

He still hasn’t figured out who the initials belong to but it doesn’t really matter to him anymore- 

_Wait_. 

_A.A. Armin Arlert_? 

Eren sits up immediately and grips the clock so tightly he might just crush it in one hand. _A.A_. Armin. Arlert. It fits perfectly. Stupidly perfect in Eren’s eyes. Two months ticking down. 

Armin’s red, swollen eyes. 

Armin’s constant weariness. 

The paleness of his skin. 

The fact that he’s getting skinnier despite the fact that Eren makes sure he has seconds. 

And with that, Eren’s world combusts completely. 

He’s outside Armin’s apartment, his clock in hand, within five minutes and he bangs his fist against the door. 

Armin opens meekly, peeking through, his hair a mess and he’s just woken up. Eren points the clock in his direction and swallows thickly when the door opens wider, befuddlement on Armin’s sleepy face. 

He really is so skinny and pale. 

“You’re dying… Aren’t you?” 


	2. Chapter 2

Armin pretty much collapses into a sobbing mess, hands pressing against his face as he cries and cries, spouting apologies and jumbled explanations. Eren kneels down and embraces him, pulling as close as he could possibly get, he feels shivers run through Armin’s body as his hands grasp Eren’s pyjama top. He rests against Eren’s shoulder, crying, and Eren can feel his t-shirt begin to soak, warm and wet against his skin.

“I’m so sorry,” Armin mumbles, shaking violently when Eren’s hold becomes tighter, his words become softer, as if the impossibility of Armin breaking into a million pieces could become the inevitable. “I’m so sorry.”

They stay like that, in Armin’s doorway, holding onto one another silently, Eren shushing Armin whenever he would apologise, for a good couple of hours before realising they should probably retreat inside and actually talk about the issues dealt out to them.

Armin sits at the dining table whilst Eren makes a cup of tea for the both of them, having placed his alarm clock beside Armin.

The blond runs his fingers along his initials etched on the bottom of the clock, before tracing the numbers flickering at him. A couple of seconds pass by and Armin throws the clock across the room. Sure, he knows he’s not going to live much longer but to see his mortality actually tick by was just too harrowing. Eren’s eyes follow the clock as he brings the tea over and places the blue mug beside Armin. He then turns his attention the blond, watching his finger’s curl around the cup, seeking refuge in the warmth. It smells like home, Armin mutters. It smells like waking up every Sunday morning with Eren.

Armin crumbles into tears again, knowing that the amount of Sundays with Eren he had left were now a small handful.

“I don’t know what to say,” Eren starts. Maybe he should confess? Or… Would that make it worse?

“Maybe I should start,” Armin replies, wiping away his tears with the back of his hand. He recounts the diagnosis with leukaemia when he was seven years old and how he had beaten it initially. Eren holds his hand gently, thumb circling over soft skin. “I was pretty much frail from the moment I was born and my grandfather was certain it meant a death sentence, but somehow I pulled through. Somehow, I overcame. And well, a few years ago I began to feel ill again and I went to go the doctors… and he diagnosed me. I went through it all over again but it wasn’t working.” Armin bows his head, willing himself not to cry for a third time. “He called me last month and told me I didn’t have much longer left, three months at most.”

Eren’s grip on Armin’s hand tightens and the blond returns it completely. They’re watching each other now, the frailty of the moment so easy to break.

“I’m sorry… I’m about to make this so much harder,” Armin then says and Eren feels nervous, he’s sure he’s gonna puke if Armin opens his mouth again. “I… I’m in love with you, Eren.”

It’s Eren’s turn to break down into tears and he releases Armin’s hand. He runs out of the dining room and Armin scratches at a burn mark on his table anxiously. Had he said the wrong thing? Was Eren even going to come back?

He sits there for a few minutes, sipping his tea nervously, his heart racing uncomfortably in his chest and he thinks he might be physically sick because what if he’s just ruined the best thing that ever happened to him?

Eren returns a few moments later and stares at Armin from the doorway. “You’re serious?”

“What?”

“What you just said, you’re serious?”

Armin nods once and watches as Eren moves into the room and cups Armin’s face with his hands. “I love you, Eren.”

“I love you, too, Armin. I love you so much you’ll never know, you’ll never understand.”

Eren takes Armin’s hands and presses a kiss to each palm before kissing Armin’s lips deeply. Eren smells like sandalwood and coffee.  Like the frost of the first autumn morning when the leaves were just beginning to decay and are the colour of fire: orange, yellow. Red.

“Armin, will you please be my boyfriend?”

And for a second Armin forgets he only has two months left to go before his fate and witnesses an unreachable future with Eren. Eren’s eyes are sea-green and can tell the future, a continuation Armin wishes to see but cannot control. He accepts Eren’s proposal and they kiss again and Armin knows that even if the world will end soon, it’ll be alright, he’ll be with Eren till the end of time.

* * *

“So, why are you still here if you’re...?”

Armin chuckles lowly under his breath; they’re sitting underneath the oak tree shadowing their apartment complex. The sun is out to play but neither boy is willing to partake in its offer.  “Because Biochemistry is something I love… And this city is close to the ocean.”

“Surely, you’d want to spend time with your grandfather?”

Eren’s arm is looped around Armin’s shoulder and their hands are entwined.

“Well… I actually have another confession to make,” Armin admits and he can feel Eren pull away and he misses the warmth almost instantly. “I’m actually going back home at the end of the month.”

 _That’s three weeks away_ , Eren’s eyes say and Armin can’t help but stare as a rash decision is made in a matter of seconds.

“I have three weeks left with you?”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t… don’t be sorry,” Eren chokes. “I… I’m gonna make these three weeks the best of your life, I promise you.”

And Armin doesn’t think he could possibly fall any harder, but he does.

* * *

“Eren, are you okay?” Mikasa asks on Monday. Eren’s the first one in the lecture hall and actually has his notebook and pen out and ready. However, despite the outward appearance of perfectly put together, his eyes are distant and faraway and he doesn’t even respond when Jean waves his hand in front of his face.  “Eren?” Mikasa places a hand on the brunet’s shoulder and he snaps out of it.

“Oh, Mikasa, hi. Jean.”

“Dude, what’s up with you, you seem really lost?” Jean probes, sitting beside Mikasa.

Eren’s eyes fade away once more and Mikasa snaps her fingers to bring him back. “I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine,” Mikasa says.

“I… Listen can you two come over later? Get Connie and Sasha too.”

“Dude, you’re frightening me now,” Jean says. “What’s happened?”

There’s a half-smile on Eren’s face and he shrugs his shoulders. “I’ll tell you all later.”

Later is a little too soon for Eren and before he realises it; he and Armin are facing four concerned faces. All eyes are on the way Eren and Armin’s hands are clasped together tightly and the brunet wonders if the announcement is even necessary.

“So…?” Miksasa prompts, gesturing for Eren to begin a speech or whatever.

“Right, well. Armin and I are dating now.”

“Thank God!” Chorused Sasha and Connie.

“You owe me like five quid, man,” Mikasa nudges Jean and the other grumbles under his breath.

“We can’t say we’re surprised, we could see it coming,” Jean says. “You two were like… _this_.” He twists his middle finger over his index.

Armin laughs breathily and it makes the anxiety of the next announcement he and Eren are about to make tighten in his chest.

“That’s… great, well… Another thing, Armin… Armin’s leaving at the end of the month.”

“Oh no!” Sasha cries out.

“Why?” Connie pesters.

Armin takes a deep breath and glances over the faces of his newly formed friends. Thanks to Eren, he had found a reason to smile when life seemed a little too glum. He found love when he was sure he never would, and found friends he loved and cherished dearly. “I have leukaemia… and I’m not going to make it.”

The room’s silent and heavy and Jean and Sasha begin to cry. Mikasa comforts the former whilst the latter falls into Connie’s arms. They try to maintain a strong appearance, but they too are trying not break resolve. Eren’s grip on Armin’s hand tightens and Armin falls against Eren’s shoulder, resting his head gently.

Mikasa’s the first to get up and she pulls both Eren and Armin into a hug, and Jean, Connie, and Sasha join in a few moments later. Armin is resilient and doesn’t cry until he glimpses over at his boyfriend and sees that there are hot tears streaming down his face and the façade he was trying to put up crumbles around him.

A month ago he had nothing to miss but now, now he had _everything_.

* * *

Eren stays true to his word and surprises Armin on the Saturday following with a potted dwarf sunflower. Armin settles it in his room, along the windowsill so that it’ll get plenty of sunlight and then apologises when he breaks down into tears again. They stay inside for the rest of the day, watching anime and eating pizza that Eren is sure is more cheese than pizza, not that Armin’s complaining.

Eren stays over that night and they spend the whole night in Armin’s bed talking about everything. Armin has those plastic glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling as comfort, they glow blue, green, and pink.

“When I was ten, I rode my bike into a lake near my house,” Eren admits.

“I broke my finger playing ping pong,” Armin retaliates. Eren kisses him on the nose.

“Which finger?”

“This one.” Armin wiggles his right index finger in front of Eren’s face and gasps when he feels Eren’s lips press against it. “You’re cheesy.”

“You love it,” Eren mutters, wrapping an arm around Armin’s torso and snuggling closer to him. Armin breathes deeply and he’s sure his heart’s going to stop. Everything about Eren leaves him constantly breathless – but in the good way. “Hey, Armin,” Eren then mumbles sleepily.

“Y-yeah?”

“I love you.”

Yup, Armin’s sure his heart just exploded.

The next day Eren surprises Armin with breakfast in bed, freshly made pancakes with butter and honey, just how he likes. “By the way,” he adds as a formality. “You’ve run out of eggs so we’ll go food shopping later.”

Armin, with a mouthful of mouth-watering pancakes can only nod in response.

Mikasa texts Eren whilst they’re out shopping and asks if both he and Armin are up to coming over later in the night to watch Mad Max with the crew. Eren wants to decline, he wants to monopolise all of Armin’s time but he knows that’s not fair. He introduced Armin to his friends and it’s not his fault they fell head over heels for him. He accepts the invitation and tells Armin, who decides to bring along mozzarella sticks and mini eclairs.

It’s funny how at the start of the year, Eren hadn’t cared all that much about romance and dating, hell even his soulmate alarm clock had become ignored until the ill-fated change. But now, he can’t imagine being without Armin and it’s tearing his heart apart little by little each day.

* * *

Armin stays over at Eren’s every night for the remainder of the week, and it’s not difficult to fall into a routine with him around. Eren becomes used to Armin’s presence and almost asks Armin to move in with him before realising how stupid of a question that is.

Armin never slacks off his studying and even reprimands Eren for being lazy with his own.

“You can’t just slack off because I’m dying,” Armin says and Eren rolls his eyes.

“I don’t feel like doing any,” Eren confesses and rolls up into his bed and Armin wonders if he should’ve paid attention to the first sign of his boyfriend’s impending depression.

* * *

“I don’t want to go to class,” Eren says the next morning and Armin tries to force him out of bed but it’s worthless. “Armin, stay, please?”

Armin bites his lip, his teacher, knowing his situation, wouldn’t care if he missed one day of class but he wanted to keep a sense of normalcy for a little while longer.

“I’ll go for the morning classes and then skip after lunch,” Armin says, making compromises and Eren seems fine with that. When the front door of Eren’s apartment clicks shut, the brunet begins to cry.

* * *

Eren’s asleep when Armin comes back at lunch with two sandwiches bought from the student shop. He places the ham and cheese one on Eren’s bedside table, beside his mobile phone, flickering green in alertness, and sits next to his boyfriend. His eyes are red and there are traces of dried up tears.

“Hey, you’re back,” Eren stirs in his sleep, rubbing his eyes lazily. “How was class?”

“It was alright… Eren, you should see a doctor.”

“Why? I’m not ill?”

“Eren,” Armin’s voice is steady and stern and Eren balks. “Eren, you’ve been crying. You have no energy, you don’t _sleep_ anymore. Eren, I think you’re depressed.”

Eren sighs. “I’ll go see the doctor tomorrow,” he resigns and Armin kisses his forehead.

“Let’s go out for dinner tonight,” Armin says, gripping Eren’s knee gently before standing up a little too quickly, a head rush crashes over him like a tsunami and he’s staggering a little.

“Armin, are you okay?” Eren asks, climbing out of bed. Armin nearly faints, falling into Eren’s arms.

“I need to lie down,” he mumbles and Eren escorts him into his bed, tucking him in.

“I’ll get you some water.”

Armin’s asleep when Eren returns.

* * *

The doctor diagnoses him with clinical depression and prescribes him some light anti-depressants. Armin’s up and studying when he comes home later in the day.

“I’m depressed,” he says simply, throwing his backpack onto his bed.

“Well, at least we know now.”

“I’m sorry.” Eren collapses onto the bed and sighs. “I promised I’d be a good boyfriend but I guess-“

“Eren, Eren, you’re amazing. You’re the most perfect boyfriend in the world. This isn’t your fault, it’s normal to react this way given the circumstances.”

“This weekend, let’s go back to the arcade,” Eren then suggests.

“Sure, that sounds great.”

* * *

They wake up early Saturday morning and get dressed appropriately for the boiling summer sunshine. Eren wears some long cut-off jean shorts and a baggy tank-top. Armin wears his beloved ripped skinny jeans and a muscle tee with low hanging sleeves; he pulls his hair back under a cute snapback Eren had given to him.

They walk to the bus stop together, hand in hand, and stay silent on the bus ride over. Armin’s skin is a lot paler now and if Eren didn’t know otherwise, he was sure Armin could keel over at any point. His face was sunken and the purple bags under his eyes were not only visible but strinklingly noticeable too.

When the bus stops outside the arcade, Armin’s gripping onto Eren’s baggy vest as they walk off together and the brunet gets a sense of deja-vu.

“Are you gonna go on the Star Wars ride again?” Armin asks and Eren shakes his head.

“I made my mark there, so today’s all about you.”

Armin blushes and it’s so stark against his pallid skin that Eren feels like crying just by looking at him.

The blond excitedly races around different games and machines, trying nearly every single one out at least once. Eren lets Armin win at the motorcycle game, even though Armin had no idea how to even start the damn thing. They race on a Mario Kart game, a new favourite of Eren as the game requires each player to take a photo of their faces and neither could stop laughing at the dumb expressions they came up with. Eren wins this time.

They play a few coin machines, revelling when Armin wins a couple of handfuls of 2ps by chance when Eren rests up against it. They look around to see if any of the arcade staff are going to tell them off for ‘cheating’ but they’re all around the same age as the pair and really don’t give a shit.

They play a few more claw machines, Eren not being as lucky as last time and Armin gushes about Blue Bear all over again.

“I think that was when I fell in love with you,” Armin admits as they crowd into a photo booth to take a lasting memory together. “When I came out of that game and you were stood there with Blue Bear… I just… I just couldn’t stop myself.”

“I think the moment I fell in love with you was when you came over to mine with the Star Wars collection and popcorn… You stole my heart.”

They smile at each other and the camera captures every moment. Three photos in and the final countdown begins for the fourth photo. Armin grabs hold of Eren’s tank-top and pulls him into a kiss as the camera flashes. They exit the booth a few suspicious moments later, Eren wanting to keep the kiss going a little while longer. Armin hands the photos over to Eren.

“For you, you’ll need them more than I will.”

And Eren’s heart sinks at the reminder.

* * *

They watch the sunset over the ocean, sitting along the sand with freshly fried doughnuts in hand.

“Thanks for today,” Armin says, licking the sugar from his lips and Eren grins.

“It’s not over yet.”

“What other surprises could you possibly have in store?”

“I rented Deadpool and I just sent a mass message to the guys to come over with their pyjamas and sleeping bags.”

Armin throws his arms around Eren’s shoulders and pulls him into a hug. “You _are_ honestly _the best_ boyfriend in the whole wide world.”

* * *

The rest of the night goes swimmingly and everyone falls asleep in Eren’s living area, the TV blaring some horror movie from the late 50’s with cheesy special effects and even cheesier acting.

Armin wakes up around 3 am to surrounding darkness and the soft snores his friends. Eren is missing from beside him and Armin tip toes over everyone to find where he’s hiding; he doesn’t notice that Mikasa is missing as well. He doesn’t have to go very far to see that Eren’s bedroom door is open. He hovers outside and he can hear two low voices talking to one another.

“Eren, this isn’t healthy. You’re failing _history_... And now you’re smoking. These aren’t working.” There’s rattling that sounds like Mikasa shaking Eren’s medication.

“I don’t know what to do, Mikasa. I’m trying so damned hard but everything’s slipping through my fingers. I’m going to lose Armin and I… I don’t know what I’m going to do when he goes.”

“You know what you’re going to do? You’re going to come to your friends for support because that’s why we’re here and we’re going to help you seek a professional to help with the grief. Armin wouldn’t want you to drop out of uni because of him - that would destroy him.”

“I know but-“

“There’s no but. You’ve been saying how you might take up history as your official major so why don’t you speak to Erwin about everything, he can offer some support.”

There’s an inhale and then Eren exhales pointedly.

“Don’t smoke in front of me, it’s disgusting.”

“If you don’t like it, you can go, Mikasa.”

Mikasa clicks her tongue and exits the bedroom with a sigh. She stops when she sees Armin pressed up against the wall outside Eren’s bedroom.

“Maybe he’ll listen you,” Mikasa whispers before returning into the living area to go back to sleep.

Armin enters the bedroom, closing the door behind himself. The room stinks of sweet smoke and Armin wrinkles his nose.

“Eren?”

“Armin?” Eren turns around and his golden skin is cast in brilliant white light by the full moon. His window is open fully and a hand holding a lit cigarette is resting against the frame. “Why aren’t you asleep?”

“I don’t sleep very well. Why aren’t you asleep?”

Eren gestures to the anti-depressants Mikasa had placed back onto his bedside table. Armin notices that his little blue alarm clock has been set face down.

“Eren, talk to me.”

“I can’t.” Eren’s voice is strangled, caught in his throat. “I can’t…”

“Why not? Don’t you trust me?” Armin asks, moving to the window and resting against the windowsill.

“Of course I do… I just can’t put this burden on you.”

Armin scoffs. “Like I care. Eren, I have a few weeks left, whatever burden you have is better shared onto my shoulders than left to you alone?”

“I’m going to miss you,” Eren blurts out. “I’m madly in love with you and I’ve spent a good portion of the past month imagining a future with you. Marrying you, travelling the world with you, raising kids with you, and it’s been snatched away so unfairly. I’m going to miss everything about you. God, I’m going to miss the way you smile when I use your shampoo when I stay over at yours. I’m going to miss the way your pinkie finger brushes against mine when we hold hands. I’m going to miss the way my clothes swamp you when you forget to bring spares over. I’m going to miss the way my bed smells of you every time you sleep over. I’m going to miss the fact that, right now, I know you miss me too.”

“I will miss you,” Armin insists and Eren shakes his head.

“You’ll be dead, Armin. You won’t miss me. It’s impossible to miss me.”

“Eren… That’s…”

“I’m sorry,” Eren sighs. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry.” He drops the cigarette butt from his fingers and moves to close the window.

“No, leave it open,” Armin suggests. “Let’s just stand here and watch the stars.”

“I’m going to miss you so much,” Eren whispers and he presses his nose into Armin’s blond hair. “God, why do you have to go?”

Armin can’t reply, because then Eren would know just how hard he’s crying at this moment in time. Eren’s right, it’s impossible for him to miss Eren when he goes, and he wishes that somehow, someway he would be able to.

* * *

Armin’s last week at the university rolls around and he’s beginning to pack everything away. Every little thing in his apartment was going away, the aloe plant in the bathroom, the floral oven mitts, the fridge magnets from Florida when he had gone with his grandfather when he was ten and beat his first round of leukaemia.

“I want you to have Blue Bear,” Armin says, shoving the stuffed toy into Eren’s arms. It’s his last day on campus and all that’s left is to tidy up his bedroom. “So you can remember just exactly why and how I fell so deeply in love with you.”

Eren cuddles Blue Bear close to his chest. “Are you coming over tonight?” He asks as Armin begins to empty his book shelf.

“Yeah… Um… Eren… I know we haven’t been dating that long but… I… Just for one night.”

“What?”

“I want to have sex,” Armin says boldly and Eren’s heart stops instantly. Oh. Fuck. “Do you not want to?”

“Of-of course I do! I just… Wow… Um, okay… Yeah, we can have sex… tonight. Wow…”

Armin smiles excitedly and presses a kiss to Eren’s lips. Blue Bear gets put aside so that Eren can pull his petit, blond boyfriend onto his lap, his hands running up under his t-shirt. “Just a taster,” Armin whispers against Eren’s pursed lips. “You can have more later tonight.”

Eren swallows thickly and then excuses himself, taking Blue Bear with him in haste.

* * *

The curtains are left open so that moon light can pour out onto the two lovers as Armin stares at Eren intently. Their hot breath mingles when they exhale. Armin’s skinny, all bones and pale skin, but he’s still amazingly beautiful to Eren. Eren’s golden, all muscle and definition and Armin swallows thickly in anticipation when his eyes roam over twitching abs and down into hidden darkness.

Their kisses are heated, passionate and lusty. Eren presses kisses to Armin’s skin, the bright red when he sucks a little harder so vibrant, like a strawberry in a sea of snow.

He readies Armin gently, overdoing it on the lube (something Jean had lent to him when Eren had confided in him earlier that day) and he failed at putting a condom on twice.

“Let me,” Armin whispers, rolling the latex over Eren’s erection before leaning back against the brunet’s pillow, spreading his legs.

Eren pushes in gently, and Armin whines. They stay still, neither wanting to make another sound lest this moment ended and Armin, really didn’t want this to ever end. They rock together, their moans intermingling in the stagnant air, the moonlight painting Armin in silver against Eren’s gold. Armin comes first with Eren’s name on his lips and Eren finds a bit more difficult to meet his end.

“Damn pills,” he curses when he pulls out of Armin.

“Let me,” Armin says again, his voice croaky from screaming Eren’s name. He mouths over the latex before sighing in dissatisfaction and pulling the condom off and throwing it into Eren’s bin. He then tries again and smiles when Eren begins to moan a little louder. He curses both God and Armin at the same time before he comes ten minutes later.

Armin’s jaw hurts, but it was worth it.

They clean Armin up together and then snuggle in Eren’s bed, wrapping the covers around them when the blond begins to shiver a little.

“Hey, Eren.”

“Mmm?”

“I love you.”

“I love you more,” Eren replies, pressing a kiss to the back of Armin’s neck before dozing off into peaceful, contended sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks so much to you all for your kudos and comments! it means a lot to me!
> 
> the prompt i used to write this story is here: http://silentpeaches.tumblr.com/post/125291322610/soulmate-au-story-ideas  
> it's the third one down.
> 
> also, i suggest you listen to these two songs now you've read this chapter  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bViE7ImkAVs  
> this is jessica jung's cover of gravity  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nP-AAlZlCkM  
> laura shigihara - everything's alright from the indie game to the moon
> 
> i've had these two songs on repeat since i wrote the first part and i feel it fits the mood perfectly (basically, i cried a lot)  
> the third and final part will be posted after monday cus i have an assignment to do this weekend (yay english literature! lol)
> 
> thanks again for your support!
> 
> oh also, everything about eren's depression is taken from personal experience - especially with the antidepressants. people tend to forget how much they mess with you and all that jazz.


	3. Chapter 3

The sun breaks the two apart, neither saying a word to the other as they dress and exit to Eren’s kitchen. They exchange longing glances when Armin has a glass of water and Eren downs a cup of coffee too quickly. Armin’s grandfather will be here any moment and there’s nothing left to say, how can there be anything left to say when it’s all been said?

_I’ll miss you._

_I love you._

_Don’t forget about me._

_Don’t… leave me._

Armin’s phone buzzes on the countertop whilst the two stand around aimlessly and they look at each other with unreadable expressions. Armin races to Eren and holds him close, kissing him with more fever than the previous night, because now they have everything to lose.

There’s another buzz and they pull away from one another, Eren’s eyes focusing on Armin’s solely, he’s dazed and lost and wandering in the ocean held within Armin’s sight. The blond grabs his phone and types a swift response to his grandfather.

“He’s here.”

Eren inhales deeply and smiles shakily to hide the fact his eyes are watering and he can’t swallow past the lump stuck in his throat. He helps Armin move all of his boxes to his grandfather’s car.

And then, Armin introduces the two of them, to Eren’s surprise. Armin’s grandfather take’s the brunet’s hand and shakes it warmly. “So, you’re the Eren who’s been taking care of my grandson.”

“That’s me,” Eren replies, his voice cracking and he hopes neither Armin nor his granddad notice.

“Well, you’re certainly as handsome as Armin says.”

“Granddad!”

“What?” His grandfather laughs jovially and Eren wonders if it’s ruse to hide the fact that his grandson is looking much closer to death than he had been half a year ago. “Well, Eren, you’re welcome to visit anytime. We live down south but it’s a direct train to and from here. I’ll reimburse you for the fare, of course.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that.”

“Nonsense. I’m sure Armin here’s going to need your company…”

There’s a sense of sadness in the words and the man bows his head before getting into the driver’s seat, allowing the two young adults their privacy.

“Seriously though, please come visit.”

“I’ll be there as often as I can,” Eren promises. He takes Armin’s hand and kisses it gently. “I love you so much, Armin.”

“And I love you, so much, Eren,” Armin responds and kisses Eren’s lips once more before getting into the passenger seat. His eyes never leaving Eren, not even as the car begins to pull away and Eren’s left in the car park, alone and devastated.

His phone buzzes in his pocket and he hesitates in pulling it out until Armin’s car is no longer visible to the human eye.

 _Please don’t cry_. The message reads and Eren hopelessly bursts into tears.

* * *

Eren doesn’t go into classes at all that week and Mikasa invites herself into Eren’s apartment on the Friday with Jean and Connie.

“Eren, are you okay? Eren, please tell me you’re still alive!” Mikasa cries out and bursts into the boy’s bedroom. The curtains are drawn and Eren’s curled up in bed. The only light emitted from his mobile phone. “Eren!”

“Hey guys,” Eren greets his friends with a lacklustre smile.

“Oh my God,” Mikasa collapses onto her knees.

“What the hell man? Why didn’t you respond to any of our messages?” Jean reprimands the brunet whilst carefully comforting Mikasa.

“Sorry, I had a relapse,” Eren admits, placing his phone under his pillow and sitting up. Connie walks up to the window and opens the curtains to allow fresh sunlight in, he then cracks the window open, allowing air to circulate.

“We could tell,” Jean says and he helps Mikasa up, aiding her to the bed where she sits with a heavy sigh. “We understand you’re depressed because Armin’s gone but you can’t spend your life like this.”

“Guys… just…” Eren hands over his soulmate clock and they all stare at it one by one.

Three weeks ticking by.

“What is this?” Jean asks when the clock reaches him.

“It’s basically telling me how long Armin has left to live.”

“That’s not healthy,” Jean says. “You need to get rid of this, Eren.”

“I can’t!” Eren exclaims, snatching the clock back and cradling it his chest. “I can’t. Not yet.”

Mikasa finally looks up. “Eren, you need to talk to us. You can’t stay in here forever. Please.”

“I just need a little recuperation.”

Jean rolls his eyes. “Alright, but we’re coming back later tonight with Old School and kebabs and you’re going to spend some time with us, okay?”

And for the first time in weeks, Eren cracks a genuine smile across his face.

He’s forgotten how much fun it is to hang out with his friends, Armin’s fate slipping from his mind when he laughs out-loud at the visual gags and jokes, snorting soda out of his nose when Jean slips over a wet patch Connie left on the floor whilst cleaning up for Eren.

Mikasa’s helping him with laundry by the end of the night and Jean tells him they’re going shopping the next day for food because _for Christ’s sake, Eren, why don’t you have any food at all!? What have you been eating?_

 _Nothing_ probably wasn’t the best response.

His friends leave around midnight to their own apartments and Eren’s left alone in his kitchen and living area combo. His TV’s been left on and there’s a rerun of Friends on. He walks into his bedroom and grabs Blue Bear, ignoring the flickering blue light from his phone, and collapses onto his sofa. He falls asleep around five am, the canned laughter of Friends echoing in his conscience as he drifts off.

* * *

“So, Eren, your friends have told me you haven’t been feeling too well,” the counsellor says, a few days later, taking her seat opposite Eren. He’s still clutching onto Blue Bear as a safety net and doesn’t meet her kind, yet inquisitive eyes.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Want to talk about it?”

Eren shakes his head, no, he’s not ready for that just yet.

“Well, what do you want to talk about?” She prompts instead. “Who gave you that bear?”

“My boyfriend did… Well, I actually won it for him at the arcade on our first date but he gave it to me when he left.”

The counsellor smiles, she’s breaking through to him already.

“Why did he leave?”

“He’s dying,” he says so quietly she almost misses it completely.

“I’m so sorry, Eren. Is this perhaps what started your depression?”

“Probably,” Eren replies, shrugging his shoulders. He doesn’t really know what brought it on, but the fact that it happened gradually since that fateful Saturday.

“Eren, being scared of losing a loved one is normal, and expected. Is there anything you want to say?”

“It’s not fair,” Eren starts. “It’s not fair. Why him? Why him and why now? He’s beaten cancer once and _now_ it’s taking him! He’s supposed to be starting his life now; he’s supposed to be with me! He had a future, y’know. He was studying Biochemistry before he left. He loved science so much and science failed him… Everything failed him. _I_ failed him.”

“How did you fail him?”

“We lived opposite one another since the start of the year and I could’ve approached him earlier on, and I wanted to but he seemed closed off… but then I saw him that one day and he’d been crying and I just had to talk to him. If I had just spoken to him sooner…”

“None of this would’ve changed; he still would be diagnosed with terminal cancer.”

“I know but his year could’ve been happier rather than just a few measly months.”

“Eren, I understand you’re heartbroken and lost but, in all honesty, approaching him when you did was probably best for the both of you. Your boyfriend didn’t have to spend the last few months of his life alone and sad, he got to spend it with you – someone who loves him, truly and deeply. You’ve done nothing wrong, Eren. None of this is your fault.”

Eren still isn’t convinced, even when he left half an hour later. He clutches Blue Bear so hard he nearly tears into her fur. He takes the bus back to his apartment and finds a message waiting for him on his phone.

_When are you coming over? I miss you._

_This weekend, I’m going to book the train tickets now._

_Great! I love you, Eren._

_I love you too_ , Eren replies before placing his phone back on the bedside table. He doesn’t eat dinner that night and instead chooses to go straight to sleep in the clothes he wore for the day.

* * *

Armin’s grandfather picks him up at the train station.

“He’s in the hospital right now,” he says darkly. His face isn’t as cheery as the first time Eren met him, and is instead shadowed with regret, guilt, and the irrefutable looming sadness.

“Oh,” Eren simply responds, he’s twiddling his thumbs nervously. He’s never liked hospitals, not since he was a kid and was forced to visit his dying grandparents at them.

Armin’s barely noticeable in his bed, all skin, gaunt, and pale. He’s as white as the bedsheet he’s swamped in and Eren rushes to his side immediately. Armin’s eyes crack open slightly and his expression brightens when he sees his boyfriend.

“Eren? Is that you? I’m not imagining this?”

“Nope, not at all,” Eren says, smiling through his tears as he takes hold of Armin’s small hand. There’s an IV drip dug into his skin and Eren can’t stop staring at it. This is reality for them now, the threat of death seemingly closer than before.

Armin smiles through dried, cracked lips and frowns when he sees Eren begin to tear up. “Eren, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Eren replies, his voice cracking and betraying him. “Nothing’s wrong because I’m here with you and everything’s alright.”

Armin sits up slightly and he’s swallowed by the pristine white around him and Eren feels pitiful, his heart is breaking into shards of untouchable glass when Armin reaches over for a drink and the plastic cup falls from his trembling fingers. He’s spilt orange juice on the floor and Eren gets up immediately to clean up around him.

“I’m sorry,” Armin then says and Eren looks up. “I don’t have much energy right now.”

“Neither do I,” the brunet replies and he stuffs the saturated tissues into the small bin by Armin’s hospital bed. He then takes the plastic cup and fills it up with orange juice again for Armin and hands it over slowly and carefully. Armin takes a few sips and nods in thanks when Eren sets the cup back down.

“Want to lie down?” Armin asks, and he budges up a space for Eren to curl into him.

“Yes,” Eren replies almost breathlessly and he kicks his trainers off and carefully lies down so that he’s facing Armin head on. “Oh, I brought someone to see you.”

Armin’s blue eyes are twinkling with anticipation when Eren pulls up his backpack and reveals the pale blue fur of Armin’s beloved.

“Blue Bear!” He cries out in glee and takes the bear and gives it a gentle cuddle. “Has Eren been taking care of you?”

Eren laughs and he finds it funny how Armin talks to a toy the way an adult talks to a child but in a way, he understands. Blue Bear was everything to Armin, all the love Eren had for him. “Of course I have. I’ve been taking her to my counselling appointments and everything.”

Armin’s eyes widen. “You’re seeing a counsellor? That’s great…” He begins to lose his breath a little more with every sentence and his eyes, though full of a little more life begin to dwindle and close. “Sorry, I’m tired.” His fingers curl around Blue Bear’s ribbon and he’s soon fast sleep.

Eren’s brushing back Armin’s limp blond hair and presses his forehead gently against Armin’s. “I missed you,” he says under his breath and Armin’s nose scrunches in response.

“Sorry, kiddo,” Armin’s grandfather interrupts them a few moments later, pulling back the curtain to reveal a couple of nurses in blue uniform. “We have to go. I’ll drive you back, if that’s okay?”

Eren’s reluctant to leave but Armin’s still asleep. He leaves Blue Bear with her rightful owner and picks his backpack up and leaves the hospital room. He’s silent for the entire car ride and Armin’s grandfather doesn’t try to break the silence between them.

“Thanks for the lift,” Eren says when the old man drops him off at the campus gates.

“Y’know. Armin can’t stop talking about you,” Armin’s grandfather begins just as Eren’s about to step out. “You’re the only thing he can seem to care about at the moment. I don’t really appreciate that you aren’t putting the same effort in. He doesn’t have much longer left, son, and I’m worried that Armin won’t see you again before he goes.”

“I…”

“I’m just saying you’re Armin’s world and I understand you have other commitments, but try and make it back to him before it’s too late.”

“I will, sir.”

Eren watches the rackety old car drive off in a plume of grey smoke. How many weeks did Armin have left now?

He wants to see Armin again, of course he does, but seeing Armin the way he is, with his unrecognisable face and the fact he’s become as white as his surroundings is killing him from the inside.

He books another set of train tickets for the next weekend, the weekend before his due date, and he texts Armin to let him know but he doesn’t receive a response until the morning.

He spends the night with Mikasa and she tries her best to lighten his spirits but in the end they watch sad movies as some form of cathartic release. It works and Eren cries himself to sleep in Mikasa’s bed.

* * *

A couple weeks pass and Eren hasn’t really done much of anything. He attends class even though he’s failing, and attends counselling even though he’s said everything he can for now, and he goes and visits Armin but the blond is pretty unresponsive, he has no energy to even wake up and the only conversation Eren has is with the heart monitor and Blue Bear, who he takes home with him at the urgency of Armin’s grandfather.

One day.

 _One day_.

It glares at Eren with malicious intent and Eren’s angry. He wants to throw the clock across the room. One day, how dare it.

Twenty –four hours and Armin will pass on at 4 am the next morning.

Eren doesn’t sleep that night and falls asleep in class, undisturbed by his teachers who simply watch over him with cautious glances.

“Eren,” Jean begins as he sits Eren down on his sofa. They’ve called somewhat of an intervention and Mikasa, Sasha, and Connie at sat in chairs around him. Jean’s leant up against the kitchen counter. “Eren, talk to us.”

“He’s going to die tonight,” Eren simply says and there’s a sharp inhale from who he assumes to be Sasha.

“Well, at least his suffering will be over,” Mikasa offers as solace. “You said the last time you were there he was asleep most of the time.”

“I know but…”

“But you’ll miss him. We know.”

Eren collapses into a fit of unpredictable tears and falls from the couch to his knees. He’s digging palms into his face to try and keep his tears from cascading away. He rains out sadness and loneliness and his friends offer support with embraces and kind words.

Three months ago felt like an ironic forever but now time was ticking by and Eren wonders how Armin feels, sitting in his hospital bed, succumbing to the disease that he had once defeated. He calls Armin’s mobile, leaving it on speaker phone so everyone can get their final goodbyes in.

“Hello?” Armin croaks out. “Eren, are you okay?”

“Hey Armin,” Eren’s voice wobbles and tears are still straying down his cheeks. “Hey…”

“Hey, Armin!” Jean begins, trying to sound jovial.

“Armin, man, how are you?” Connie asks, pulling his act off a little better than Jean.

“Guys? Jean? Connie?” Armin’s voice is crackled through the speakerphone but Eren thinks it might just be how his voice is.

“Eren says you’re in the hospital,” Mikasa says.

“Yeah, the doctors don’t think it looks good. A week tops, they say.”

There’s deathly silence amongst the five.

“Guys?”

“Yeah, we’re here Armin,” Eren responds. “Listen, Armin, we miss you so much.”

“Yeah, all of us miss you,” Sasha echoes.

“We really wish we could come down and see you, bud,” Jean says.

“Maybe this weekend?” Armin offers with a cute giggle, it gets caught in his throat and he beings to cough. He holds his phone from his face but Eren’s face crumbles just to hear it in the background. “I’ll look forward to seeing you.”

“Yeah…” Is all Eren can say. “Hey, Armin, I’ll call you later tonight, okay. We’re all going out for dinner.”

“Alright! That sounds like fun. I’ll speak later… I’m gonna go back to sleep now.”

Eren turns of speakerphone and ejects himself out of the kitchen and into the hallway. “Yeah, go to sleep. I love you, Armin.”

“I love you too,” comes the sleepy response with the click of Armin hanging up.

Eren presses his phone to his chest and dissolves into howling sobs that no one can console.

* * *

3 am.

“Shouldn’t you be asleep?” Armin’s asking. He’s wide awake for some reason and he can see the moon from his window. The same moon Eren is staring at, his window cracked open and his alarm clock sitting beside his elbow.

“I should be yeah, but I thought I’d talk to you instead. You have a little more energy in you, today.”

“I guess it’s your phone call that did it.”

“Mmm, yeah, they’ve been cheering me up too,” Eren replies. “Hey… I don’t… I don’t know what’s going to happen but I just want you to know that these past few months have been the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“Same here, Eren. I didn’t know if I would ever find my soulmate but I think you might be it.”

Eren bites his lip. Irony works its best in funny ways.

Armin begins to trail off and fall silent.

“Armin, bud, stay with me,” Eren begs, tears beginning to well up.

“I’m here, sorry… I’m sleepy at the minute. I feel like I could sleep forever.”

It won’t be too long left, Eren thinks. 3:30am.

“Hey, Eren… What does the moon look like to you?”

“The moon?” Eren cranes his neck up to look at it completely. “Man, it’s bright today and big too. Honestly, it just makes me think of you and how beautiful you look in the moonlight.”

“Mmm, same for me. I can barely see it through the branches of the apple tree outside but I can tell it looks big too. Do you remember my last night?”

“Of course I do,” Eren replies and his face begins to heat up. He’d been so nervous to touch Armin in such an intimate way but if he had the chance to turn back the clock, he would do it all over again and leave as many marks as he could on Armin’s flawless skin.

“I dream about it sometimes… not the sex though, just your face in the moonlight. The way you looked drenched in starlight. I could write poetry with the way you looked.”

3:45am.

“Why don’t you?” Eren jokes.

“Heh, I don’t think I’m the creative type,” Armin replies. “Eren, I really can’t wait to see you and the guys later this week.”

“Armin…”

“Yeah?”

“Just… don’t talk about that. Let’s talk about now.”

“Now?”

“There’s a giant star right beside the moon, can you see it?”

“Yeah, barely…”

“That star is your star. It’s shining for you right now, Armin.”

“Eren that’s…” Armin begins to laugh and Eren smiles. “That’s really corny, wow.”

“Well…”

3:50am.

“You really should go to bed,” Armin pesters. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow, I promise.”

 _Don’t make promises you won’t be able to keep_.

“No, I’m not tired.”

“You still have insomnia?”

“Yeah… those damn drugs. I can’t wait to get off of them, to be honest.”

“You’re a lot more optimistic than I thought you would be.”

Armin’s breathing becomes shallower and Eren’s worried he’s fallen asleep for a second but then there’s a cough and Armin’s breath becomes out in audible croaks.

“Armin, you okay?”

“Yeah, just… really sleepy. Hey, Eren… what do you think death feels like?”

“Death? I…”

“I’m scared,” Armin replies. “I’m scared to die.”

“Armin, please,” Eren pleads under his breath; he’s scrunching his eyes closed to stop the tears from falling.

30 seconds left.

“Armin, just don’t talk about that. I…”

20 seconds.

“I love you so much, more than you’ll ever know.”

“I know, and I love you too. Eren, you’re scaring me.”

“Just listen to me, please.”

10 seconds.

“You are amazing, you’re wonderful. You’re like the sunshine on a gloomy day, that surprising and beautiful ray of hope that maybe everything will be okay. I’m sorry I took so long to approach you and I’m sorry for everything that befell you. You deserved more than this… You deserve eternity, really…”

There’s no response and Eren glances at the clock.

Zeros read across the board.

“Armin?” Eren questions shakily into nothingness. He pulls his phone from his ear and looks at the call time and begins to cry when he sees the minutes continue to tick up – Armin hasn’t hung up which means only one thing.

He slides down and collapses to the floor, curling into the foetal position and cradling his knees to his chin, and hangs up his phone. He kept his background as picture of him and Armin on their first Arcade date when Eren had won Blue Bear for him. The way Armin smiled, the way he had so much life left in him when that life had just left him…

He reaches up for the alarm clock and throws it across the room with a heavy growl. It smashes into pieces of clockwork and numbers. They gaze at Eren tauntingly as he rocks back and forth, mourning the loss of his soulmate.

* * *

Mikasa and Jean are the first to come over at seven in the morning with McDonald’s breakfast. They all sit on the floor of Eren’s bedroom and no one asks about the broken clock by the door.

“Erwin says if you talk to him today, you can come back after the summer and resit the first year of History. He’ll put you forward to start at foundation. It means you’ll be here another few years but, I’m sure you’ll be fine,” Mikasa says.

“I’ll probably be here still, I’m thinking of going into physics and doing a masters later on,” Jean adds to the conversation.

“I’m going to go into English and do a PGCE,” Mikasa also says.

Eren’s silent and he almost seems like a ghost. The missing sleep is evident on his gaunt face and his dark circles and the way his eyes focus on nothing automatically. “Thanks guys,” he mumbles as he bites into a McMuffin.

“No worries, pal,” Jean says simply and they eat in continued silence.

* * *

A few weeks pass and Eren returns home after Armin’s funeral, his mental health deteriorating at an alarming rate. His mother’s happy to see him back and welcomes him home with freshly baked bread.

Mikasa was right; Erwin did put him forward to start History at foundation level and would be returning in October, just like last year. He was also moving into a two student apartment with Mikasa as she promised his mum to keep an eye on him.

Eren falls back into routine of staying at home and gets a part-time summer job at his uncle’s garage and is told that he only needs to come in when he feels up to it, but he gathers enough energy to go every day, much to his mother’s joy. Armin never leaves his mind, and Blue Bear sits on his bed watching him carefully. There was a reason Armin gave Blue Bear back to him and Eren realises why late one night.

Armin was worried about Eren and knew that Blue Bear was a source of comfort for himself and so offered the comfort to Eren who needed it most. The one last token of Eren’s affection to Armin and in return the affection Armin gave back to him in the most perfect way possible.

Jean drives into town a few days before Eren’s packing to go back to Uni to start over again.

“Come with me and bring Blue Bear,” he simply says and Eren packs up a backpack with spare clothes and the soft toy and throws it into the boot of Jean’s car. Mikasa’s in the front seat and climbs out to give Eren a hug and to allow him into the car by pulling her chair forward. Connie’s sitting in the backseat and claps a hand on Eren’s shoulder when the brunet sits down with a thump.

“Your hair’s gotten longer,” Mikasa comments and Eren touches it automatically; he can feel the weight on his shoulders most days and had taken to tying it up and away from his face.

“Yeah… I might cut it, I don’t know.”

He falls into idle chit-chat with his friends for a few hours before realising where he’s heading and his heart begins to ache again. He’s beginning to panic when Jean pulls up outside the cemetery where Armin was laid to rest.

“Go talk to him, Eren,” Jean instructs his friend. “We’ll be right here when you’re done.”

Mikasa allows him out and watches as he clutches Blue Bear tightly and makes his way under the shade of the trees growing around the plot of land. It’s silent and the sun’s glaring down onto the dry, green grass.

Armin’s headstone is a pretty black marble.

_Beloved son, grandson, and friend._

_1997-2017_

Eren’s fingers brush over the etching and he smiles shakily.

“Hey, Armin, look who I’ve brought with me…”

Conversation flows so easily when there’s only one person speaking but he’s sure Armin’s listening to him somehow. He sits there for a few hours, caressing the lilies decorating his headstone before readying himself to leave. He brushes away the tears rolling down his cheeks and breathes in deeply. There’s a cool breeze from amongst the trees and he can almost hear Armin’s voice amongst them.

He looks down at Blue Bear, the way her beady black eyes stare up at him patiently. He then bends down and places her beside Armin’s headstone and admires the way she falls a little to the right, hugging the stone-cold marble.

“I think…” Eren begins, running a hand over the curve of the headstone almost as if he were caressing the curve of Armin’s jaw. “I think she’d be much happier with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, that's a wrap!
> 
> thank you so much to everyone for your kind words and encouragement!  
> i really hope you enjoyed or at least... appreciated this story, i can't really say i /enjoy/ reading angst but there's something about them that i just love.
> 
> the hospital scene was a little difficult for me to write because i REALLY do not like hospitals at all and i've had to visit mine frequently and it just never gets easier *shudder*
> 
> i don't know how many more fanfics i will do of this eremin season and i might just end up waiting for the next lot to come around. i do have a smutty drabble to post at some point but who knows.
> 
> anyway, long author's note is super long but once again thanks for reading and thanks for your comments and kudos!
> 
> see you next time
> 
> fish  
> x


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